Since my TV was only used to play Halo 3 for the past 3 days (Thanks Johnos & Chevalier) , I missed all the incredible antics of Britney’s weekend! I feel like I need to collect myself and have the details broken down slowly so I can understand them. Good thing US Weekly has already done that for me. It is nice to live in this world of convenience!

SATURDAY
Spears donned the same lacy Monique Lhuillier dress she wore to her 2004 wedding reception to Kevin Federline as she and her paparazzo beau, Adnan Ghalib, 35, hit a Keyes Mercedes-Benz dealership in Van Nuys, California.

Carrying two puppies, she and Ghalib then went mattress shopping at Maison Luxe in Manhattan Beach.

SUNDAY
Wearing daisy dukes, a T-shirt and high-top boots, Spears and Ghalib went shopping at a Santa Monica Rite Aid and a Designer Shoe Warehouse.

(The pop star, 26, is a fan of the convenience store. She went Christmas shopping there last year.)

They then lunched at Gaucho Grill in Studio City, California. They ordered $35 worth of grub, including sautéed mushrooms, a caprese salad, two orders of the beef empanadas, two orders of the spinach empanadas and two Pepsi sodas. They walked out holding hands.

Their lovefest continued at the Westfield Fashion Square in Sherman Oaks, California, where a witness tells Usmagazine.com, they held hands.

They went into See’s Candies and Macy’s. When an employee accidentally bumped into her, Spears sniped, “F–k you, b-tch,” leaving the saleswoman “speechless,” onlooker Kevin Watson tells Us.

(According to x17online.com , Spears left the department store in a mid-riff baring maroon knit-top

So, I know I haven’t mentioned her paparazzi boyfriend Adnan Ghalib yet, but I honestly thought Brit would be finished with him faster than a bag of Cheetos. Sorry about that, but I didn’t want to mention him until I knew it was serious. It is for your own good, I didn’t want you to get attached prematurely…

So, what do you think Adnan’s reaction was when he picked Britney up for a nice Saturday outing and she opened the door in her wedding dress? Hilarious! I guess he didn’t care if he thought he was getting a Mercedes and a comfy, pillow top single coil posturepedic mattress out of the deal!

Sunday sounds even better… Ending a so-called “lovefest” by telling some working stiff to fuck off? Romantic! And now when I think of having a delicious empanada, I will have the imagery of her sucking them down whilst donning a midriff. Thanks Britney, you jerk.