That’s what I should call this site.  Anyway, of course there are many an update, so suck on this:

• Lynne Spears (Brit’s mom) files a restraining order against Britney’s wierdo sidekick, Sam Lutfi.  One highlight - Sam had told Britney that she was an unfit mother, a piece of trash and a whore, that she cares more about Adnan, her current boyfriend, than she cares about her kids, and that she does not deserve her kids.

Um, is he really that far off the mark?  The restraining order also suggested that Sam was Britney’s personal drug dispenser, and that sometimes he would grind up pills and put them in her food.  This guy should work for the CIA because his mind control skills are totally bitchin’!

• Brit’s father, Jamie Spears,  filed court papers that recounted a visit with Britney on Saturday.  Pretend it is a really awful script read by two really shitty actors.  I suggest (Natalie Portman and Burt Reynolds)

He found her lying in bed, he says in the papers. He leaned over to kiss her, but she turned her head away.

“I love you,” he told her.

“No, you don’t,” she said, according to Jamie. The singer then got out of bed and said, “The doctor told me you are keeping me in here.”

When Jamie denied it, Britney shot back, “Somebody’s lying. You put me in here.”

A nurse then assured Britney that her father was not keeping her in the hospital. Britney then begged him to get her out.

“Come on, daddy, let’s get out of here. Take my hand and let’s walk out of here together,” Britney said, according to Jamie.

“I wish I could, but I can’t,” Jamie replied.

Britney then got annoyed.

In an attempt to calm her down, he began talking about her sons.

“Do you want me to help you get your babies back?” he asked.

“No, I have new lawyers that will help me with my stuff,” Britney replied.

Court papers also mention that Britney called him on Super Bowl Sunday and begged him to visit her in loony bin.

• Sam Lutfi denies accusations that he is a dick and says he was the only person there for Brit in the past 6 months, even though he did give her “handfuls” of pills to keep out the crazy.

Someone should be acting out this Britney drama on YouTube or something!  Wait, that is a REALLY good idea!  You would have new material ever day! But it would be best to keep Natalie Portman out of it because she fucking sucks at acting.