Miley Cyrus scares the crap out of me. And not just in wax figure form as seen above. It is mostly her incredible mind control powers. Oh yeah, it’s time for a story.
I was driving home from work one night and Hannah Montana was playing at the First Mariner Arena. I was stuck in traffic for almost an hour. I live 8 miles away from work so this is kind of a serious problem. Anyway, downtown Baltimore was jam packed with minivans filled with 12 year old girls screaming their fucking heads off for the bitch. All of the cars were marked up with washable paint and all the country folk driving their minivans were practically sideswiping each other - half out of the frustration of city driving, but halfway racing to get to Miley Cyrus. It was madness! I could have died! All Miley had to do was say the word, and Baltimore would have went up in a mushroom cloud.

Whew! Anyway. To tighten her grip on the middle class white ‘tweens of America, Miley put out a YouTube video proclaiming her love for the J-Man. (Jesus, you Pagans!)

In a special Easter installment of her hit YouTube series “The Miley & Mandy Show,” Miley Cyrus and pal Mandy Jiroux answer fan questions about her career, her love life and her faith.

“We love Jesus!” the Us Power Girl, 15, tells the camera. “Jesus rocks! I sing, act and dance for Jesus! Now that I think about it, I do everything for Jesus. We do YouTube videos for Jesus. We’re all about it.”

She is officially the Queen WASP. If you want to see it, skip to about 6:10. This is a loooong and boring video.

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